There comes a time in all vacations when one must gather one's things, stuff them all into the same bag they came in, and go home. Sometimes this is a blessed thing, sometimes a needful thing, and sometimes a sad thing. For me, it is a sad thing. I will miss my cabin, the silence, the birds at the feeder, the sunsets, and the solitude. And a needful thing, for waiting at home are my children, my job, and my life all paused for a month, all waiting with bated breath for my return.
Despite the cleaning, packing, checking, lugging of luggage around airports, and the tedious flights home, we do pack up and leave, mostly because the people who own the cabin have rented it to someone else, and frankly because you can't live in vacation land. Responsibilities await.
Coming home is very much like being dropped into the deep end of the pool during a hurricane. The life you left for a brief moment starts right up again as your feet leave the airport and your people pick you up. There is a flurry of conversation, then a tornado of laundry. And then that languishing bit of packing that never seems to find its way back to where it belongs. Where did it belong? Perhaps it can camp out on my dresser until I find time to tuck it into that place where I won't lose it and then it will be lost for all time. Somewhere between the conversation and the laundry you pass out souvenirs and well past ten in the evening you pass out, sleep like a rock in your own bed again, get up in the morning and go back to work, the experiences and memory of vacation dissolving like the morning mist, and life picks up in the same flurry of activity you left because it was too much and we wonder, did I learn anything from this experience?
Did I learn anything?
Well, one obvious thing we all learn from vacation is that all the stuff you brought with you in that one suitcase has suddenly grown to not fit in that one suitcase despite how you fold and cram it.
Another is: old habits die hard, but newly acquired habits linger. I have been home for two weeks and still have an inclination to drive on the opposite side of the road, and I have had a terrible time turning off my straight-stick brain, although I haven't accidentally clutched my brake, yet. It is a sad thing that nobody was able to see how well I learned to drive in Scotland. My show-off side is rather disappointed.
Really, though, what have I learned? I need to simplify my life so I can have time for myself on a regular basis. That sounds so wonderful, doesn't it? It does. But what does it mean? And how do you do such a thing? I am a responsible adult and need to be responsible. For me that means I have children to raise (thankfully they are almost grown), I have a responsibility to see them properly educated so I homeschool them, and I have to work so I have money to live, and I also have to spend time in needful Bible study and prayer, which should be a top priority, but is the one thing that always falls to the wayside. All these things demand my time (not to mention an occasional social engagement with my girlfriends, who are very important to my sanity), but they must be in balance in order for me to function and be my best. Then the question is, how do I say no to some things and say yes to other things? And how do I prioritize my responsibilities?
UUUGGGHHhhh! I hate the word prioritize about as much as I hate having to prioritize. I get uncomfortable flashbacks of junior high and an angry teacher crabbing at me that I seriously have to get my priorities straight. Well, sorry, Mr Angry Teacher (whose name I have forgotten), but Economics will never be a priority of mine. Never. Just never.
OK. Reality. Priority number one: needful Bible study and prayer time.
Priority number two: homeschooling. I need to be home in order to homeschool, right? Duh.
So, priority number three must be work.
Setting priorities is all well and good (they look so tidy on paper and all), but putting them into practice requires another thing I hate and that is saying no. If I say no to my kids who require my attention, they will be uneducated and upset with me. A responsibility will go unheeded and that is BAD. If I say no to work, they rely on me, too, and that responsibility will also be neglected. If I say no to God, my life goes spiraling down the gurgler, which nobody wants or needs, especially right after vacation. So no matter what you pick, someone is unhappy. If you choose not to pick, then I am unhappy and we're talking the gurgler thing again. So, here's where I have to get tough, which is another thing I hate doing, because again, it upsets people and we can't have that.
What I have done, then, is cut back my working hours so I can be home to school my children. I have yet to get a new Bible study, but I have one in mind that I want to get, and I am saying no to the small things that take up bits of my time that can be spent more productively. The hardest thing to say no to, though, is the time in the evening when both my kids want to talk with me until it is nigh on midnight. I don't know how to reschedule that so I can have personal time and adequate sleep. But, I will continue to work on it and keep you posted. I do have a plan, at least on paper.
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